Should I leave?

Fighting to stand on your own two feet, breaking away from your ex-"better half"? There is always an easy and quick way because it is a way down. Don’t even need to do anything, just fold down your wings and fall. Falling, falling – and here is the rock bottom. There are no inner-battles there, feels good. By nature, this way is more approachable for us, the Law of Gravity works, you see. Free fall and ‘Ah, I wanted it so much!’  Yes, the euphoria of free fall cannot be compared with the difficulties of climbing up....

So you cannot go on like that anymore. You love him/her, sure, (or so you think) but it’s just not working out. In any “department”. But hold on, the bedroom department, is actually quite good… It is awesome! You haven’t lived under one roof or as a proper couple for over half a year. Every now and then you would get together because you are still used to each other and spend a steamy night. It all seems better after such night: problems kind of drift away and you are quietly whispering to yourself “See, you cannot live without me! Ha! Told ya!”

But before you know it, problems creep back in again. The magic of that “every now and then” night wears off and you feel that you are facing the same old disagreements and misunderstanding. Cold shoulder. And, to be completely honest, you cannot really stand his life approach. There are a lot of things that just annoy you about him: he spends way too much time with his mother, he is far from being romantic, he is just not the type of person you always dreamed about. He is not your type. But leaving him seems like an improbable venture. 

This is the moment when you need to take a time out of your love-emotions, sit down and think logically. Take a piece of paper and a pen if you need to see a clearer picture before your eyes. Paper can take everything, so start writing!

Write down all the ‘pros’ = handsome, clever, his salary and future career are promising, he is a good father to your child (if applicable), honest. OK, now the ‘cons’ = doesn’t give you enough attention, spends all the time either at work or with his mother, too scrupulous with money, you have children together but he still hasn’t proposed to you, even after 6 years together. I am giving you an example from my past but obviously everyone’s situation is different. You will have points on your list that are typical to your own situation.

Check out the Personality types online, for instance the 4 Birds Personalities..

Think: how you can press the right buttons with him? What is HIS language of love? For example for my ex-husband, the “language of love” was to be completely domesticated, to clean, cook, wash, scrub etc. And he would completely clam up and play deaf if I was asking him to go out with me: take me out for dinner or just take a walk through the city.

Are you prepared to talk his language of love and work for your relationship? Going through the analysis of different personality types, you might discover that you are totally prepared to change your ways for him and that your relationship is worth saving. Are you prepared to pay the price?

You might decide otherwise. You might decide to leave. Leaving a relationship is always difficult. You should be prepared to face not just financial and technical problems, but also lots of emotional stress. Most of the times, these are the simplest things: such as sitting down for a cup of tea in the evening and exchanging a few phrases or taking a stroll during the weekend; curling up together on the couch to watch a movie or giving your baby a bath together. 

You must be able to give yourself an honest answer: if I was to leave him, will I be able to overcome multiple spurs to get back with him? Weigh your situation: would you rather put up with his/her bad points and be with him/her no matter what OR start a fresh life without that person, where you will have to overcome your habits?

It took me 3 times to finally leave my ex- husband. I kept going back because it was an easier, more familiar life. Being without him meant being able to overcome difficulties by myself, alone. The desire to get back into my comfort zone was overwhelming. Even 5 months along after the final, 3rd split, my heart was looking for excuses to go back. But the logical mind kept saying: there is nothing to do there, you’ve tried enough times.

Sticking to my new independent life was hard but I knew that eventually I would become happier and my self-esteem would come back. I knew that eventually my heart would get in harmony with my mind. I just need to be strong and keep going.

There is, however, also a different way. An easy and quick way because it is a way down. Don’t even need to do anything, just fold down your wings and fall. Falling, falling – and here is the rock bottom. There are no inner-battles there, feels good. By nature, this way is more approachable for us, the Law of Gravity works, you see. Free fall and ‘Ah, I wanted it so much!’  Yes, the euphoria of free fall cannot be compared with the difficulties of climbing up. But if we do choose the free fall, what is waiting for us down there? Pain from hitting the bottom, disappointment and loss of self-esteem, as well as loss of respect of some people. Possibly even loss of HIS respect. Will he respect you coming back again and again? So if you did decide to leave him in the first place, stick to your decision and be a strong woman. Don’t fall.

We all have different situations. Make sure that whatever way you choose, you need to feel that your mind and heart are living in harmony.