Some interesting things I've learnt in life

We find out new things every day. 

Sometimes you hear a phrase that is being repeated here and there throughout life. But it is only when you finally give it conscious thought, it starts to make sense, not just sound.

Here some ordinary thoughts that help me throughout each day:

1.    HAPPY. Even if you are not a naturally happy person, you can teach yourself to be happy. As long as you understand the principles that stand behind it.

2. I CAN TRAIN MYSELF. You can teach yourself pretty much everything: to be a charismatic person, be a people’s person, be disciplined etc. Just be sure you know what stands behind its meaning, and then fake it until you make it.

3. DON’T GIVE UP. You can change your life by being persistent and not giving up. Primitive but true!

4. GET UP AND DO THINGS. Most of the time, all it takes is getting your butt off that chair (couch, bed etc) and getting yourself OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE. Only that brings results.

5. I AM IN CONTROL. When you want something just act: pick up the phone, email, skype: write/call people, organize them around what you want and what you might need.

6. COLD HEARTED. Sometimes in business, well, in fact most of the time, it pays to be emotion-less: leave behind what you really want to say and just lay out the facts, bare facts, no emotions behind

7. GET THE FACTS RIGHT. It is good to disagree, but make sure you’ve got your facts and argument right

8. SHUT UP. A good marketing slogan: ‘Sometimes it’s better to chew than to talk’. Just shut up and let the other person vent! Stay in a safe position by not saying much where it is not needed or where your words can lead you into a further argument. And that takes me to another rule I have learnt recently.

9. GO QUIET. Stop replying to your enemy. You might disagree tremendously with what he/she says about you, but if you don’t come back with anything, your ‘enemy’ will be hung in the torturous mystery of the unresolved matter. They will be robbed of the "privilege" of knowing what's on your heart.

10. THERE ARE SOME CRAZY PEOPLE AROUND. There will always be someone who will criticize you and dislike what you do. Even if you are near perfect. Allow it, dismiss it from your life and carry on, your way. Don’t let anyone to upset you and don't let your self-respect drop.

11. MY 5-YEAR-OLD SON TAUGHT ME. People with true high self esteem are successful and loved by everybody: they don’t try to explain themselves, they don’t give excuses, they apologize with simplicity and sincerity. They win.

12. DISCIPLINE IS EVERYTHING! From the early years I hated discipline! My granddad talked about discipline every day. I thought he is just old and funny, talking about the same thing all the time. Now I understand that discipline is everything: it is your health, your ability to lead a happy life, your ability to learn and to progress, to influence others, and it is your passport to a better quality life!

13. THINGS WILL BE BETTER TOMORROW. The lucky 13th thought. Sometimes it feels like there is no tomorrow. Feeling down and it is hard to believe things might ever change for the better. I go to sleep early-ish and with the belief that tomorrow will bring me new feelings and experiences. Low feelings can’t stay forever. So back to point 1 of this list, with great hopes and belief! Don't give up, be in control, contain yourself, discipline yourself))

Dream, believe, dare, do!

Don’t be afraid to Dream BIG!

Why? – you might ask. They teach us from the very beginning that we must have very achievable goals. Not too big, so we can chew them. So we don’t feel as non-achievers.

But if you are not dreaming BIG, you are playing small! Who said that your dream is too big? 

I am guessing, your answer could be: Well, actually, a lot of people: my boss, my mother, my partner, and society told me to get real. They think that I am being unrealistic…. Aiming for the impossible.

Now let me ask you a question: Why do you let other people to decide what’s best for you and why do you allow them to limit you in your aspirations? They have their reasons and explanations for why you might not succeed, but do they know you better than you know yourself?

There are plenty of examples, amazing individuals in the past and in our days who come up with seemingly ridiculous ideas and goals. Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, Winston Churchill, Steve Jobs, Walter Disney

"Dream, believe, dare, do." said Walt Disney.

“If you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right!” said Henry Ford.

We all suffer from a Selective Vision process.

What do you choose to see in your life:

1)excuses why this or that is not possible? OR

2)new opportunities and possibilities?

In the first case, all you need to do is just to find a good enough excuse:

“It’s too late for me to change my life around”

“I don’t have money/time/connections for developing my business”

“I don’t have appropriate education to find a job…” , and so on.

In the second case – case of the winners – all you need to do is ask 2 questions: HOW? And WHAT?

How can I achieve what I want?

What do I need to do to achieve it?

What do I need to learn? What one thing that I can do today to get closer to my Dream?

When you fill your ideas and aspirations with excuses and reasonable or not so reasonable explanations why it won’t work out – well, you simply stopping the oxygen supply. Your dreams suffocate and die.

When you fill your ideas and aspirations with virtue of possibilities and ways to achieve it, you releasing your natural potential for something BIG, GRANDEUR.

The world is divided:

Happy and unhappy

Rich and poor

Winners and losers

Creators and destroyers

Healthy and sick

Ask yourself a question: on which side do you want to be? On the side of the light, happiness, success and laughter OR on the side of the darkness, tears, failure and pain?

Who do you want to be: a winner or a loser?

What do you want to notice in your life? How people don’t like you enough, how things don’t work out the way you planned? How many problems you currently experiencing?

OR do you want to create your own strong life, even if you are anxious, even if you unsure how it will all go, even you don’t get enough “approval” from people around you.

You are in charge. You are the creator of your own luck and fortune. You know where you want to be. Regardless of your physical condition and circumstances that surround your life.

Think BIG

Dream BIG

Believe in BIG,

And the results will be BIG!

Saving your Love

Ah the beauty of the married life! “Over the past year or two, we have been going through a rough patch. I love him very much but all these routine problems of life started to get on top of us. Arguments blowing out of nothing, word after word, and before you know it, we are two opposing parties rather than a unit.” Sounds familiar?

In the beginning

When people are dating all their energy goes towards finding things in common, the things you like or finding cute. You concentrate on his handsome smile, his sense of humor. He cooks for you for the first time and gets the kitchen in the state of a war zone: grease, spills, and dirty dishes everywhere. You look at these all and you think: “Ah, isn’t he adorable! He even knows how to cook!”

So what becomes different in 7-10 years’ time?

The first crisis comes when you start living together. This is when you notice your energy starting to deviate towards finding differences and dislikes rather than things in common. That could be lifestyle, upbringing, life perspective and – most importantly – habits.

Years go by, and both of you keep “practising” to notice what you don’t like about each other, what annoys you. It becomes the main focus of attention. You have now programmed yourself to respond with frustration, anger and resentment to the majority of everyday situations. Other areas of your life together (affection, sweet talks about nothing, sex) start to fall out of the picture.

Your thoughts and feelings now sound like:

-          I can’t stand this any more!

-          I’m better off to be by myself!

-          Life is completely out of order!

-         Where to next?

The reality of life is like a snowball, rolling… and all the stress, money problems, ethical disagreements are growing fast around the heart of our love and affection.

And so hence is the question: where to next?

The rest of this article is written for those who still love their partner and who wants to save the relationship.

I would like to introduce you to the term ‘logotherapy’. It is a psychiatric theory which was founded by Viktor Frankl, a Jewish psychiatrist who was imprisoned by Nazis during the WWII. When he had nothing left, all his family being destroyed in concentration camps, alone and severely beaten, he started to become aware of one thing: no one can rob him of the right to decide within himself how it would all affect him. He had the power to choose his own responses.

Logotherapy is a term derived from “logos,” a Greek word that translates as “meaning”, “knowledge” and therapy. Logotherapy is prompting you to stop thinking ‘Everything is sh…!’ ‘There’s no way out!’ It’s helping you to save what good you still have left, through choosing your attitudes and responses. Through the awareness of what ‘bad’ or ‘unwanted’ is developing and is about to blow out of control (another argument..), and through realising it and pretty much ‘calculating’ your approach to it.

It is not easy, I can tell you. Years of resentment and frustration towards your partner is a habit that had developed over time. Like any bad habit, it will take time to overcome it.

So here is a challenge. Over the next month try to pre-analyse your responses when going through difficult and unpleasant situations and talks. My own experience tells me it is much easier and natural to react rather than respond thoughtfully.

This simple chart will help you understand the cycle and how to break it.

Here is to keeping peace with your loved ones! Go, get back to that person you once started dating and found so amazing! And by all means, do use the same approach with your parents and kids.

Book your 1 week coaching and get the answers to your problems here

9 thoughts that will change your life perspective

Sometimes it feels like there is no tomorrow. You are in the darkness of today and nothing is going to change… not tomorrow, not in a month’s time, not in a life-time. Do you know that feeling?

What can make you smile, take it easier? Only your own thoughts. Especially for you, I have written this article which is called ‘9 thoughts that will change your life perspective’.

Even if everything is absolutely perfect in your life at present, it is not a bad idea to be prepared and know exactly what to think and do when your mood will plummet down against your expectations..  So don’t just read but try to implement it into your life. Remember that 'knowledge' is not you have heard somewhere, at some stage, but rather what you have experienced when you applied it into your real life.

1. Everything that happens to you is helping you to grow and become better and wiser. Even if it is not really noticeable.

Life and circumstances will always be changing you. Sometimes it happens abruptly and just swamps you off your feet. You might wonder: what else on earth can happen? You might feel that all your dreams and achievements have been crushed, and now you are like in a black hole. You want to run away from it all, but you can’t. It is hard to imagine that these problems are changing you for the better. The truth is: often, in order to achieve something better you will need to go through the worse. To start a better, new life you would need to get over your old one, completely and utterly. And then leave it behind. When you face difficulties you open up to a new potential that WILL help you to sort out things in your life.

2. People and opportunities come and go.

We all change over time. You are not the same as you were a few years ago. As a result of it, your preferences, desires, demands and life perspective change, too. That affects the way you react to certain people and situations. Losing a friend/partner/job can be stressful and painful. You might notice you’re asking yourself one question: WHY??? …..But give yourself the luxury of allowing changes in your life. Nothing is fully stable and permanent. Whatever happens to you, happens for a reason. There is probably something better waiting around the corner!

3. Changes are unavoidable.

Change is good. Growth is good. Even though it can be quite painful. Believe me, the biggest pain in your life is only when it all stalls, and nothing else happens. And nothing else matters, everything is exactly as it was a few years ago. Those are the warning bells. We, as human beings, are rather unique: our development comes with change. So start taking these changes as your progress, rather than your pain.

4. Bitching about…

Excuse my French… but this is exactly what it is. Things are not the way you want them to be, and what do you do? You bitch about it, you moan, you complain. Discussions with your friends/colleagues/family members are regular and never ending. But do they get you anywhere? Only actions will get you where you want to be or at least will put you on the right path towards fixing things. So instead of putting yourself in the position of a constant moaner, perhaps it’s time to take the first actual step towards resolving the situation?

5. Your piece of mind depends on your way of thinking.

When you fail to have a flexible life perspective, possibly a more positive one, you put yourself into a continuous cycle of doubt, anxiety, fear and disappointment. Your thinking is a battlefield between your good and bad thoughts, ideas and beliefs. Take a bit of extra effort and allow clean and happy thoughts into your heart and you will feel fresh and more motivation within.

6. You have a natural talent to change someone else’s life.

You were blessed with an ability to feel kindness, compassion and forgiveness. These qualities were given to you so you can live a bigger and broader life, not just so you can live in your own little bubble. There is no need to try and change the world. Just bring some happiness into someone else’s life, and you will feel a great relief and an amazing feeling of accomplishment.

7. A bit of ‘me’ time.

I was told once that being a mother of three, a wife, and a business woman I tend to forget about myself, that I don’t give myself enough of ‘me’ time. I disagreed: I have duties, responsibilities. Now I understand: more time for beloved me = happier family and a more productive business. Sounds too simple? Well, yes, life is actually pretty simple. There is no need to over-complicate it.

8. Every person you meet along the way is for a reason.

We meet different people along the way. Each one of them teaches us something. It might not be always obvious and immediately apparent what you gather from that person. It is something that you process over time. Maybe you were lucky to meet someone with amazing time management skills and everyday planning. Maybe you came across the kindest and sweetest person you’ve ever seen. Or perhaps your career path crossed with a selfish and arrogant person who was all wrapped up in KPIs (Key Performance Indicators) and who didn’t care about real people. In the end, you learn a lesson from each of these people and situations: you learn what to do – what not to do, and what kind of person you want to be.

9. You are not the only one who feels lonely and insecure.

The world is full of lonely and insecure people. Even those who are seemingly surrounded by a crowd of fans and friends could feel very lonely inside. Before any social scenarios and settings, we are first of all individuals (note: ‘individual’ – adjective which means ‘single’, ‘separate’). Everyone wants to be understood and accepted: those who play the role of a peacock and those who appear as a grey little mouse. Everyone has insecurities and dreams. Somewhere out there, there is a person who totally understands you and accepts you. This definitely makes you less lonely.

So go on, use these thoughts to find your perfect balance and change your way of thinking to make it better for yourself!

Yours,

Katya French  - Professional certified coach, choose your programme here: www.cherryblossomcoach.com