Setting up the mood - secret controls))

Laughing in Doha, Qatar

Setting the mood for yourself is probably THE ONE most important thing you can do. Everything will be exactly the way you are predicting within yourself.

End of last month I traveled to the Middle East for a conference, together with my mother (also the director of our business).

I have decided for myself that everything is going to be just perfect and lots of laughter. I needed that set of mind, to have good time during travel, to get serious new contacts for business and to help me speak at the conference with professionalism and charm.

Gosh, this bathroom interior is a total delight

I was repeating to ourselves almost with naivety: “We are so lucky everywhere we go! We are having the time of our lives!” And reality around was projecting exactly that for me. No dramas, effortless allure, elegance, contact, lots of laughter!

Enjoying a pomegranate straight off a tree

Wishing you the same! You create your own world.

Some interesting things I've learnt in life

We find out new things every day. 

Sometimes you hear a phrase that is being repeated here and there throughout life. But it is only when you finally give it conscious thought, it starts to make sense, not just sound.

Here some ordinary thoughts that help me throughout each day:

1.    HAPPY. Even if you are not a naturally happy person, you can teach yourself to be happy. As long as you understand the principles that stand behind it.

2. I CAN TRAIN MYSELF. You can teach yourself pretty much everything: to be a charismatic person, be a people’s person, be disciplined etc. Just be sure you know what stands behind its meaning, and then fake it until you make it.

3. DON’T GIVE UP. You can change your life by being persistent and not giving up. Primitive but true!

4. GET UP AND DO THINGS. Most of the time, all it takes is getting your butt off that chair (couch, bed etc) and getting yourself OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE. Only that brings results.

5. I AM IN CONTROL. When you want something just act: pick up the phone, email, skype: write/call people, organize them around what you want and what you might need.

6. COLD HEARTED. Sometimes in business, well, in fact most of the time, it pays to be emotion-less: leave behind what you really want to say and just lay out the facts, bare facts, no emotions behind

7. GET THE FACTS RIGHT. It is good to disagree, but make sure you’ve got your facts and argument right

8. SHUT UP. A good marketing slogan: ‘Sometimes it’s better to chew than to talk’. Just shut up and let the other person vent! Stay in a safe position by not saying much where it is not needed or where your words can lead you into a further argument. And that takes me to another rule I have learnt recently.

9. GO QUIET. Stop replying to your enemy. You might disagree tremendously with what he/she says about you, but if you don’t come back with anything, your ‘enemy’ will be hung in the torturous mystery of the unresolved matter. They will be robbed of the "privilege" of knowing what's on your heart.

10. THERE ARE SOME CRAZY PEOPLE AROUND. There will always be someone who will criticize you and dislike what you do. Even if you are near perfect. Allow it, dismiss it from your life and carry on, your way. Don’t let anyone to upset you and don't let your self-respect drop.

11. MY 5-YEAR-OLD SON TAUGHT ME. People with true high self esteem are successful and loved by everybody: they don’t try to explain themselves, they don’t give excuses, they apologize with simplicity and sincerity. They win.

12. DISCIPLINE IS EVERYTHING! From the early years I hated discipline! My granddad talked about discipline every day. I thought he is just old and funny, talking about the same thing all the time. Now I understand that discipline is everything: it is your health, your ability to lead a happy life, your ability to learn and to progress, to influence others, and it is your passport to a better quality life!

13. THINGS WILL BE BETTER TOMORROW. The lucky 13th thought. Sometimes it feels like there is no tomorrow. Feeling down and it is hard to believe things might ever change for the better. I go to sleep early-ish and with the belief that tomorrow will bring me new feelings and experiences. Low feelings can’t stay forever. So back to point 1 of this list, with great hopes and belief! Don't give up, be in control, contain yourself, discipline yourself))

Powerful thinking

There are thousands of thoughts being hatched in our heads every day and… night. These thoughts are hopeful, fearful, grateful, sad – you name it! When the thoughts are born, you start to feed them with your emotions. They become stronger and more dominant.

The prevailing ones start to claim more space in the garden of thoughts. Just like the weeds or the strongest plants in the real garden.

What are your prevailing thoughts? Constructive and happy or destructive and negative? You cannot think negative and positive at the same time. It is one of another. And so the main pattern is starting to show: positive? negative?

To understand, how exactly thoughts affect our being, let’s jump into quantum physics. All physical reality is made up of vibrations of energy. Your thoughts, too, are vibrations of energy. This is not a concept or theory, but rather the startling reality that quantum physics now reveals to us. Your thoughts have a powerful influence. Your thought begins it, your emotion amplifies it, and your action increases the momentum.

The energy born by thinking, goes up and up, into Universe, to God… whatever you believe in. It is represented by a “church” within yourself. You think, you feel, you talk to the Power above = you talk to yourself and stipulate your way of thinking and living. The Universe does not care about your wishes, fears, good thoughts or bad. There is no shop counter over which you receive the goods you’ve ordered. The answers that you get are the “responses” of your own mind to the most prevailing state of thinking. Put simply, what you focus on you attract. Focus on success and you attract success. Focus on fear and failure and you attract failure.

There is a lot of amazing knowledge and possibilities hidden from ordinary humans. Very often because we consciously choose to limit ourselves. “I’m just a simple human being. What can I do?” And here lies the trick: open up, believe in your super abilities and in the power of your thought. Don’t be skeptical. Remember, your thoughts transform into powerful energy. Think strongly about what you want to happen, imagine an awesome break through, imagine you are getting what you want, feel how you are overcoming with joy. Just think about the amount of mighty energy streaming into Universe for you, for your wishes.

You can call it whatever you wish: power of prayer, power of thought, law of attractions and so on. It all comes to the same fact:

What you think, you become

What you feel, you attract

What you imagine, you create

Personally, towards the quantum physics magic, I would add a down to earth, easy to understand rule: sit down and write down a mind-map or a plan of action. How are you planning to achieve what you want. This will most definitely empower your thoughts even more and give you a good, clear direction for action!

Should I leave?

Fighting to stand on your own two feet, breaking away from your ex-"better half"? There is always an easy and quick way because it is a way down. Don’t even need to do anything, just fold down your wings and fall. Falling, falling – and here is the rock bottom. There are no inner-battles there, feels good. By nature, this way is more approachable for us, the Law of Gravity works, you see. Free fall and ‘Ah, I wanted it so much!’  Yes, the euphoria of free fall cannot be compared with the difficulties of climbing up....

So you cannot go on like that anymore. You love him/her, sure, (or so you think) but it’s just not working out. In any “department”. But hold on, the bedroom department, is actually quite good… It is awesome! You haven’t lived under one roof or as a proper couple for over half a year. Every now and then you would get together because you are still used to each other and spend a steamy night. It all seems better after such night: problems kind of drift away and you are quietly whispering to yourself “See, you cannot live without me! Ha! Told ya!”

But before you know it, problems creep back in again. The magic of that “every now and then” night wears off and you feel that you are facing the same old disagreements and misunderstanding. Cold shoulder. And, to be completely honest, you cannot really stand his life approach. There are a lot of things that just annoy you about him: he spends way too much time with his mother, he is far from being romantic, he is just not the type of person you always dreamed about. He is not your type. But leaving him seems like an improbable venture. 

This is the moment when you need to take a time out of your love-emotions, sit down and think logically. Take a piece of paper and a pen if you need to see a clearer picture before your eyes. Paper can take everything, so start writing!

Write down all the ‘pros’ = handsome, clever, his salary and future career are promising, he is a good father to your child (if applicable), honest. OK, now the ‘cons’ = doesn’t give you enough attention, spends all the time either at work or with his mother, too scrupulous with money, you have children together but he still hasn’t proposed to you, even after 6 years together. I am giving you an example from my past but obviously everyone’s situation is different. You will have points on your list that are typical to your own situation.

Check out the Personality types online, for instance the 4 Birds Personalities..

Think: how you can press the right buttons with him? What is HIS language of love? For example for my ex-husband, the “language of love” was to be completely domesticated, to clean, cook, wash, scrub etc. And he would completely clam up and play deaf if I was asking him to go out with me: take me out for dinner or just take a walk through the city.

Are you prepared to talk his language of love and work for your relationship? Going through the analysis of different personality types, you might discover that you are totally prepared to change your ways for him and that your relationship is worth saving. Are you prepared to pay the price?

You might decide otherwise. You might decide to leave. Leaving a relationship is always difficult. You should be prepared to face not just financial and technical problems, but also lots of emotional stress. Most of the times, these are the simplest things: such as sitting down for a cup of tea in the evening and exchanging a few phrases or taking a stroll during the weekend; curling up together on the couch to watch a movie or giving your baby a bath together. 

You must be able to give yourself an honest answer: if I was to leave him, will I be able to overcome multiple spurs to get back with him? Weigh your situation: would you rather put up with his/her bad points and be with him/her no matter what OR start a fresh life without that person, where you will have to overcome your habits?

It took me 3 times to finally leave my ex- husband. I kept going back because it was an easier, more familiar life. Being without him meant being able to overcome difficulties by myself, alone. The desire to get back into my comfort zone was overwhelming. Even 5 months along after the final, 3rd split, my heart was looking for excuses to go back. But the logical mind kept saying: there is nothing to do there, you’ve tried enough times.

Sticking to my new independent life was hard but I knew that eventually I would become happier and my self-esteem would come back. I knew that eventually my heart would get in harmony with my mind. I just need to be strong and keep going.

There is, however, also a different way. An easy and quick way because it is a way down. Don’t even need to do anything, just fold down your wings and fall. Falling, falling – and here is the rock bottom. There are no inner-battles there, feels good. By nature, this way is more approachable for us, the Law of Gravity works, you see. Free fall and ‘Ah, I wanted it so much!’  Yes, the euphoria of free fall cannot be compared with the difficulties of climbing up. But if we do choose the free fall, what is waiting for us down there? Pain from hitting the bottom, disappointment and loss of self-esteem, as well as loss of respect of some people. Possibly even loss of HIS respect. Will he respect you coming back again and again? So if you did decide to leave him in the first place, stick to your decision and be a strong woman. Don’t fall.

We all have different situations. Make sure that whatever way you choose, you need to feel that your mind and heart are living in harmony.

Change!

These are the Chinese characters for Change.

The core of the first character represents the words: transform, rebel, revolt, flexible. While the core of the second character represents the words: make corrections, replace, experience.

So when you are going for a change in your life, keep in mind the following:

Rebel against these factors in order to transform and remember to be flexible

Ø  Loss of structure and security

Ø  Loss of self-confidence

Ø  Financial worries

Ø  Family stress

Ø  Feelings of rejection

Ø  Incapability with someone close to you

Ø  Bitter feelings about the past

Ø  Unhappiness with the present

Replace your life with these opportunities and treat your transformation as a positive experience

Ø  Define a new future

Ø  Re-establish confidence based on personal strengths

Ø  Freedom and flexibility in the use of time

Ø  See new possibilities in everything around you

Ø  Create new structure and security

Ø  Find new ways to meet people

Ø  Learn something new, every day

Ø  Renew a sense of purpose

Ø  Focus on a better future

Dream, believe, dare, do!

Don’t be afraid to Dream BIG!

Why? – you might ask. They teach us from the very beginning that we must have very achievable goals. Not too big, so we can chew them. So we don’t feel as non-achievers.

But if you are not dreaming BIG, you are playing small! Who said that your dream is too big? 

I am guessing, your answer could be: Well, actually, a lot of people: my boss, my mother, my partner, and society told me to get real. They think that I am being unrealistic…. Aiming for the impossible.

Now let me ask you a question: Why do you let other people to decide what’s best for you and why do you allow them to limit you in your aspirations? They have their reasons and explanations for why you might not succeed, but do they know you better than you know yourself?

There are plenty of examples, amazing individuals in the past and in our days who come up with seemingly ridiculous ideas and goals. Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, Winston Churchill, Steve Jobs, Walter Disney

"Dream, believe, dare, do." said Walt Disney.

“If you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right!” said Henry Ford.

We all suffer from a Selective Vision process.

What do you choose to see in your life:

1)excuses why this or that is not possible? OR

2)new opportunities and possibilities?

In the first case, all you need to do is just to find a good enough excuse:

“It’s too late for me to change my life around”

“I don’t have money/time/connections for developing my business”

“I don’t have appropriate education to find a job…” , and so on.

In the second case – case of the winners – all you need to do is ask 2 questions: HOW? And WHAT?

How can I achieve what I want?

What do I need to do to achieve it?

What do I need to learn? What one thing that I can do today to get closer to my Dream?

When you fill your ideas and aspirations with excuses and reasonable or not so reasonable explanations why it won’t work out – well, you simply stopping the oxygen supply. Your dreams suffocate and die.

When you fill your ideas and aspirations with virtue of possibilities and ways to achieve it, you releasing your natural potential for something BIG, GRANDEUR.

The world is divided:

Happy and unhappy

Rich and poor

Winners and losers

Creators and destroyers

Healthy and sick

Ask yourself a question: on which side do you want to be? On the side of the light, happiness, success and laughter OR on the side of the darkness, tears, failure and pain?

Who do you want to be: a winner or a loser?

What do you want to notice in your life? How people don’t like you enough, how things don’t work out the way you planned? How many problems you currently experiencing?

OR do you want to create your own strong life, even if you are anxious, even if you unsure how it will all go, even you don’t get enough “approval” from people around you.

You are in charge. You are the creator of your own luck and fortune. You know where you want to be. Regardless of your physical condition and circumstances that surround your life.

Think BIG

Dream BIG

Believe in BIG,

And the results will be BIG!

To have a Dream...

Is it important to have a Dream? What if you don’t have a Dream at all, or maybe don’t have it any more?

I will be blunt: if there is no Dream, there is no particular interest or purpose in life. This could be very, very painful, mentally and physically.

Having a mere ‘purpose’ at home/family is one thing; having a Dream, something you are going for with all your might, is dramatically different.

I know one person who has a definite purpose in life – serving her family: she is a stay at home wife, she cleans, cooks, looks after her grown up son and her husband. By the way, the son and the husband have their lives and Dreams. They work and they study, and they know where they’re going. They come home to eat and sleep. 

She does not have any dreams, at all. Her life is empty and painful. Don’t get me wrong: she does enjoy serving her family. The problem is in a different area: no future, nothing to long for, beside the non-stop house duties. She does not have a job and she never will because out of her 40 years of life she worked only for 2 years. So the experience is simply not there. 

She has always been waiting for the right moment to start studying, to go back to work: but first she had to raise her child, then she had to look after her disabled mother, then she was too sad because her mother had passed away, and then it was too late because she turned 40 (!!!! Really? Is 40 too late?)  I will call this person Elaine.

There is another person whom I see at kids’ school every week. She is a young lady of approximately 30 years old. A few years ago, through a horrific car accident, she had lost the ability to talk, walk or look after herself. She was physically in pieces. Doctors have put her back together. For some period of time she didn’t have a luxury of expressing herself anymore, or walking around freely, or doing anything a typical 30-year-old would do. However, there was something extremely important that she managed to keep: belief in herself, desire for life, necessity to Dream. I would call this person Hannah.

Now, Elaine does not have any physical disabilities. She blames her upbringing for not being able to work, for not earning, for being bored and depressed, for not wanting anything in life. She explains that she is emotionally crippled by her mother who always would do things better, quicker. No matter how many times we talked about leaving the past behind, about becoming stronger and taking little steps towards richer (emotionally) life – the answer is always the same: ‘There is no way out’. She’s got no dream to go for, no desire to change.

Hannah has started slowly after her accident: she first realised what is important for her in life and why. It was extremely painful. In her wheelchair she would get into a junior school every week. Few months later - on crutches. Then walking by herself, with some help of her mother at times.

She trained her tongue again and again to speak, to roll again. She trained her brain by taking an initiative and helping the little kids to do their Maths and English. She would get very tired, it was not easy, let’s face it. But she always knew where she is heading to, and why. That is exactly what helped her to overcome lots of her pain and doubt. She had a dream of gaining her normal life back. She had the Dream. She still has it. She’s still going for it, strong.

The change – whatever you might desire in life – comes from within. It starts from realization: what do you want to achieve and why. You need to be able to look at yourself and your actions from a different perspective. Who are you? What are you capable of? Where are you today and why? What could be done today to start your change?

Design a plan for yourself: without a plan you simply won’t know where you are heading to. Then take small steps, which probably won’t be easy at first. But you will, surely, get through those little ‘obstacles’! You need to believe in yourself, and not to resort to typical and prosaic beating yourself up with something like “I’m useless, I won’t succeed, there is no point in trying.”

I have created an excellent plan how to make your Dream happen (if you have one, of course!). I will talk about it next week in my post.

How to minimise worries and maximise life’s enjoyment?

7 ways to eliminate worries and start living

“Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its troubles… it empties today of its strength.” Corrie ten Boom (a Dutch Christian who, along with her father and other family members, helped many Jews escape the Nazi Holocaust)

  

How to minimise worries and maximise life’s enjoyment? Are these two questions even supposed to be together in one article? We usually concentrate either one or another. We either try to solve our problems or seek pleasurable things. Here I suggest the ways you can combine the two.

Part of the nature of humans is to be constantly developing, growing and moving towards a balanced and mature way of being. Your present personality is determined by both, what you really think of yourself now and by what you strive to become in the future. Mature individuals always work on their personal development. And by the word ‘mature’ I don’t mean just those close to 40 and over.

Personal development means to learn and apply special principles in life that will help you to attain emotional wellbeing, understanding and effectiveness in your everyday life. Simply said: to find and create that special balance that will allow you to be happy more often.

Look at some of the most inspiring individuals: Leo Tolstoy, Helen Keller, Albert Einstein, Barbi Thomas… What is the common trait amongst them? They never stopped learning, never gave up the search for the perfect balance. And they succeeded.

Here is 7 fundamentals, created by Katya French, for you to consider when you are in the need of change or simply a solution.

        1. Drop the Perfectionist

It is one thing to try to do something well; it is another to have the ability to stop perfecting it…

Problem: The need for perfection and the desire for inner peace and tranquility will always conflict with each other. There is always room for making something better, making it a different way. There is always an unconscious need to continue fixing or to know something better before doing it.

This is what is called Perfectionist Procrastination Paralysis.

Diagnosis: This is the inability to start a task or project, or the consistent delay of starting that task/project because of the need to be fully knowledgeable and for the outcome to be perfect. (Don't ask me how long it took me to write that. I am still panicking because I know it could be better.)

Thoughts of destruction could be: “Why am I so stupid?”, “Others are so much better at it than me”, “I am the type of person who takes a huge amount of time to master something.” “Others are more talented”. All these phrases are inevitably negative in their nature and are ‘perfect’ for developing a sense of non-accomplishment, low self-esteem and, as a result, poor productivity.

Cure: Drop your harsh self-judgement. They are not better than you. If you don’t start now, you will never get to the next level of it. Don’t overanalyse, jump into action, and you will begin to discover the perfection and tranquility of life itself.

         2.   Life is about to begin

Time illusions strongly rule our lives, often taking away the ability to enjoy what we have now, in this present moment. As we become adults, many of us learn the art of thinking and worrying about several things at once. Misfortunes of the Past haunt us, and they get topped up with concerns or hopes for the future.

Problem: Are you waiting for your life – real life – to begin, soon, in the future? Next week, when you finish your study, when your finish your project, when you get your dream house, when the debts are paid off, when kids become a little bit older, when you become healthy and good looking…. Then you will be able to enjoy it. Not yet.

Diagnosis: This is partial or complete inability to enjoy the present moment. The days and months go by, and then the years. And there is always yet something else to achieve, yet another obstacle/problem in the way that needs to be resolved. You keep promising to yourself: “A little bit more of my hard work, I’ll get there and then I will truly start enjoying my life!”

Has it ever occurred to you: these obstacles that you are constantly overcoming are YOUR LIFE? Life is a constant development, a challenge. That’s why you are alive, because you still have tasks to do and obstacles to overcome. Because you still have interest and the desire to strive. These obstacles are not your enemies, they are your good friends that help you to evolve, become a more educated/experienced person and achieve better results next time around.

Cure: Teach yourself to enjoy the process rather than the finishing product only. Start finding enjoyment in what you do: did you learn something new today while creating your perfect project? Well done! Did you have a nice cup of coffee and a good chat with your friend? Do consider it as a blessing. Did your kids tell you a story that is important to them? Consider yourself lucky that they want to share with you, that they want you to be part of their life.

Life doesn’t begin tomorrow or in a year’s time. Life is what you are experiencing now.

           

       3.  Be super wise about Selective Vision

Selective Vision is an enormously powerful tool if you use it wisely. You choose what you notice in life and you choose what you will or will not talk about.

Problem: Let me ask you a question: How often do you list your problems to yourself or when you’re talking to your friends?

You think about the bad sides of your life, while your mind gets populated with one great thought: “Things are bad!” You talk about your problems, your listener shows compassion, offers suggestions while you subconsciously stipulate in your mind: “Poor me, help!”

Diagnosis: It’s natural to ‘unload’ sometimes, that’s true. But the trick is to consciously weigh how much of ‘unloading’ you practice every time you speak. Don’t become a compulsive ‘unloader’. Watch how many negative thoughts you allow to enter your mind in the conversation with other and your self-talk.

Cure: Like anything else in this life: the more you do it, the more it becomes a prevailing part in your life. Just imagine, what if you were purposely looking for the good stuff in every day you live? The bad stuff is easy enough to find. So take a challenge: Today I will concentrate on the good sides. I will concentrate on how lucky I am, and the problems I’m currently experiencing, are only there to make me stronger and more prepared for bigger and wonderful things in life!

       4.  50% of your worries eliminated instantly

A lot of the time we get into pointless discussions with somebody else or ourselves: “This problem... It’s so terrible. I hate it. I wish there was a way out. I don’t know what to do!”

Problem: No matter if we are talking about personal financial problems or business not going in the right direction, what we do is we verbalise one way or another what you’ve just read above. You talk it over with your spouse or at your team meetings at work. Excuse my language, it is called ‘bitching about’ it is destructive and doesn’t lead to any solution for the better. It’s a maddening circle with no way out.

Diagnosis: The diagnosis here would be a simple socially acceptable way of ‘bitching about’, complaining without the search for solution. A mere statement of your problem embeds that problem further into your mind. Day after day in private life, or week after week in business life, you repeat your dissatisfaction or worry. Your correspondent usually agrees and adds oil into a flame by reiterating the same statements or simply nodding his/her head and saying “Yep, ok, I understand” or even worse: “I see”.

This is a perfect example of the unproductive cycle that will leave you sad, angry, needy and unsatisfied.

Cure: Ask yourself 4 questions and record your answers.

Something simple that we fail to do on a lot of occasions, is a down to earth approach. It’s powerful and it works without a hitch, every time!

Only 4 questions that will clarify your approach and solution to all your worries:

-               - What is the problem?

-               - What is the cause of the problem?

-                - What can I do right now in order to solve this problem?

-                -  How am going to do that?

Use the amazing A3 sheet of paper, a solution to any problem. I love it! It gives you a possibility to splash out and space to put lots of your thoughts and ideas. The questions will prompt you to answers. And once you’ve got your answers down, solutions will arrive instantly into your mind.

       5.  Put your mess onto paper

When the amount of things to do is overwhelming, it is so easy to start procrastinating, simply not knowing where to start.

Problem: It is truly amazing how creative you get when looking for excuses for not starting this or that project or a simple task. And then “Bingo! That’s it! I can’t do it now because …. [Insert perfectly found excuse]. What you experience after, is momentary relief and then pain of guilt because that task is still hanging above you, amongst so many others which just makes you sick.

Diagnosis: There are two things stopping you from taking action: 1) You don’t want to go through pain when you leave your comfort zone and 2) lack of clear vision – where to start. Unfortunately, the phrase ‘Start with something’ often doesn’t seem serious enough, and so you end up doing nothing. Apart from continuing to experience that guilt for not proceeding.

Cure: Get up, put yourself into a car or public transport, get to a stationary store, buy a few of the magic A3 sized sheets of paper, bright markers and then quickly return to your home/office, before you find other ways to procrastinate.

What you are going to put on your A3 paper is a mind map. A mind map is a great way to brainstorm, get a full picture of projects to do, put tasks and ideas into steps, and most importantly to clarify your vision. Without a clear vision you will continue to scratch through dirt like a chicken, without much progress or result. However, get an eagle’s eye view of your life (that’s the map you put onto your A3) and you will notice that you understand the sequence of what needs to be done first, second, and third… why it needs to be done that way and what you are planning to achieve as a result.

Here is an example of the mind map.

         6.   Don’t try to hurt your enemies

When you feel that you are absolutely in the right, and that other person just absolutely unjustifiably acts against you, there can be a civil way out. Wise and proven to work every time.

Problem: You are hurt, you feel pure injustice towards you, be that in business or in private life. It is all caused by your enemy, or somebody who has happened to play a role of an enemy at this part in your life. So you splash into lengthy emails justifying your positions and how silly and incompetent your enemy is acting as they do… It takes lots of thinking, emotion, and time. What do you get in return? An email or a phone call which states that you are even worse than you thought! Now your thoughts are streaming towards: ‘Am I really that bad?’, and ‘I’ve never noticed that about me’. Next thing you do, you lose your time and temper in getting out yet another hurtful message/email/phone call. The snow ball of bitterness and argument just keeps getting bigger, depriving you of sleep, quality of life and inevitably diminishing your productivity.

Diagnosis: Inability to stop the deadly cycle of bitterness or argument can cost you a lot. Reputation, emotional imbalance, time.. When you concentrate on something (whether good or bad), others areas of your life get overlooked. It is just a natural balance of life. So spending too much time and effort of trying to prove yourself right to your enemy and (hopefully) hurt them or bring them down, first of all brings yourself down. So what do you do?

Cure: There are two powerful things that are bound to get your enemy down. First, quit conversing. What is a conversation? It’s like in tennis: you hit the ball, your opponent hits that ball back to you, again you hit, he hits and so on. Stop the game, don’t hit the ball back. Treat your opponent to some torturous feeling of being ‘not in the know’: “What’s going to happen next? Why silence? What do I do?” And while your opponent is guessing at what’s really going on, start working on enforcing the positive and successful image of yours.

Keep smiling, it makes other people wonder what you’ve been up to! And while you are re-enforcing that happy image, you will suddenly notice that centre of your attention has naturally shifted: from conflict to creativeness.

         7.   Exaggerate to get the spice of life!

As you are concentrating on your happy and successful image, exaggerate: to yourself, to your partner, to your friends, and to your opponents.

Problem: Modesty could often be a problem. ‘Have you done this presentation? Looks amazing!’ – ‘Yes, well, I did. But it’s nothing special, really….’ ‘Thank you for dinner, that was beautiful!’ – ‘Ah, no worries, it’s just dinner, nothing special’. Does this sound to you that this person could be a successful entrepreneur or an amazing host? No, the spice of life is taken out.

Diagnosis: Inability to accept praise, lack of your own scrumptious descriptions for your projects and unnecessary modesty stops you from enjoying life, from maximising the enjoyment from the things you do. Other people eventually start to see you in the same light you positioned yourself first: there is nothing special in her/his life. Before you know it, you become kind of a grey mouse.

Cure: Exaggerate! Cooking? Creating a project? Spending time with your friends and family?  Talk about it as something special, elaborate, and add some delectable descriptions and details. It will help you to feel your life deeper, discover that you are already living an amazing life. It will put you into a certain habit of thinking great about your own actions and achievements, which is vital for living a happy life. It will give others a possibility to see you as an interesting, worthy of praise and attention person, living a very exciting life to its fullest.

Yours,

Katya French

Panama Papers - Good advertising for us!

The so called ‘Panama papers scandal’ has made a lot of heads turn to the asset protection industry. Our Principal at IN Fiduciary Services, Nico Francken says: “It’s good advertising for us!”

Offshore, or now increasingly popular mid-shore business, has been huge for decades. Today, the news media is having a heyday with one of the biggest data leaks in history. Unfortunately, certain politicians and, as an inevitable effect, general public, show an amazing level of ignorance on the subject of foreign trusts, foundations and other vehicles for privacy and wealth preservation.

We see it as our opportunity to step up and inform our current and potential clients of what the offshore industry really is. Where do we come in, as fiduciary services provider, what are our tactics and approaches?

One of the statements from Mossack Fonseca actually made an important point, and that is that the offshore industry is “not particularly well understood by the public.”

In this whirlpool of media materials on ‘secret tax heavens’ and ‘money laundering’, the journalists are forgetting to mention a simple fact that offshore business is, actually, used by the majority of entrepreneurs for completely legitimate purposes: 

•         Asset protection
•          Stream lining of international business and investment and
•           Management and maintenance of family wealth

IN Fiduciary Services generally do not use ‘tax heavens’ for these purposes. We use sophisticated and progressive financial and business centers that have been known for decades by their stable legal and political systems.

To stay on top, it is important to observe strict KYC (Know Your Client) rules and to perform excellent Due Diligence on the client. Today, our general client is becoming more educated and understanding of this matter. The words “I don’t want to” are no longer an option.  If a client to preserve his hard earned wealth or optimise their business structure, we will ask to provide evidence of their source of funds and to disclose their persona and intentions.

There is a brilliant saying: “Today’s newspaper is tomorrow’s Fish ‘n’ Chip paper”. This is so true, so we let the wind of the Panama scandal blow while it is blowing, while we carry on business as usual, offering you and your clients effective tools for optimising their business and private real needs.That is asset protection in 4 of the world’s prestigious jurisdictions, which have sophisticated legal and tax systems, brilliantly designed over many years:

Singapore                            New Zealand                      The Netherlands              Labuan (Malaysia)