Fighting to stand on your own two feet, breaking away from your ex-"better half"? There is always an easy and quick way because it is a way down. Don’t even need to do anything, just fold down your wings and fall. Falling, falling – and here is the rock bottom. There are no inner-battles there, feels good. By nature, this way is more approachable for us, the Law of Gravity works, you see. Free fall and ‘Ah, I wanted it so much!’ Yes, the euphoria of free fall cannot be compared with the difficulties of climbing up....
So you cannot go on
like that anymore. You love him/her, sure, (or so you think) but it’s just not
working out. In any “department”. But hold on, the bedroom department, is
actually quite good… It is awesome! You haven’t lived under one roof or as a proper couple for over
half a year. Every now and then you would get together because you are still
used to each other and spend a steamy night. It all seems better after such
night: problems kind of drift away and you are quietly whispering to yourself
“See, you cannot live without me! Ha! Told ya!”
But before you know
it, problems creep back in again. The magic of that “every now and then” night
wears off and you feel that you are facing the same old disagreements and
misunderstanding. Cold shoulder. And, to be completely honest, you cannot
really stand his life approach. There are a lot of things that just annoy you
about him: he spends way too much time with his mother, he is far from being
romantic, he is just not the type of person you always dreamed about. He is not
your type. But leaving him seems like an improbable venture.
This is the moment
when you need to take a time out of your love-emotions, sit down and think
logically. Take a piece of paper and a pen if you need to see a clearer picture
before your eyes. Paper can take everything, so start writing!
Write down all the
‘pros’ = handsome, clever, his salary and future career are promising, he is a
good father to your child (if applicable), honest. OK, now the ‘cons’ = doesn’t
give you enough attention, spends all the time either at work or with his
mother, too scrupulous with money, you have children together but he still
hasn’t proposed to you, even after 6 years together. I am giving you an example
from my past but obviously everyone’s situation is different. You will have
points on your list that are typical to your own situation.
Check out the Personality types online, for instance the 4 Birds Personalities..
Think: how you can press the right buttons
with him? What is HIS language of love? For example for my ex-husband, the
“language of love” was to be completely domesticated, to clean, cook, wash,
scrub etc. And he would completely clam up and play deaf if I was asking him to
go out with me: take me out for dinner or just take a walk through the city.
Are you prepared to
talk his language of love and work for your relationship? Going through the
analysis of different personality types, you might discover that you are totally
prepared to change your ways for him and that your relationship is worth
saving. Are you prepared to pay the price?
You might decide
otherwise. You might decide to leave. Leaving a relationship is always difficult. You should be prepared
to face not just financial and technical problems, but also lots of emotional stress.
Most of the times, these are the simplest things: such as sitting down for a
cup of tea in the evening and exchanging a few phrases or taking a stroll
during the weekend; curling up together on the couch to watch a movie or giving
your baby a bath together.
You must be able to give yourself an honest answer:
if I was to leave him, will I be able to overcome multiple spurs to get back
with him? Weigh your situation: would you rather put up with his/her bad points and
be with him/her no matter what OR start a fresh life without that person, where you will have to overcome
your habits?
It took me 3 times to
finally leave my ex- husband. I kept going back because it was an easier, more
familiar life. Being without him meant being able to overcome difficulties by
myself, alone. The desire to get back into my comfort zone was overwhelming.
Even 5 months along after the final, 3rd split, my heart was looking for
excuses to go back. But the logical mind kept saying: there is nothing to do
there, you’ve tried enough times.
Sticking to my new
independent life was hard but I knew that eventually I would become happier and
my self-esteem would come back. I knew that eventually my heart would get in
harmony with my mind. I just need to be strong and keep going.
There is, however,
also a different way. An easy and quick way because it is a way down. Don’t
even need to do anything, just fold down your wings and fall. Falling, falling
– and here is the rock bottom. There are no inner-battles there, feels good. By
nature, this way is more approachable for us, the Law of Gravity works, you
see. Free fall and ‘Ah, I wanted it so much!’
Yes, the euphoria of free fall cannot be compared with the difficulties
of climbing up. But if we do choose the free fall, what is waiting for us down
there? Pain from hitting the bottom, disappointment and loss of self-esteem, as
well as loss of respect of some people. Possibly even loss of HIS respect. Will
he respect you coming back again and again? So if you did decide to leave him
in the first place, stick to your decision and be a strong woman. Don’t fall.
We all have different
situations. Make sure that whatever way you choose, you need to feel that your
mind and heart are living in harmony.
